HARRY POTTER LOST CHAPTERS
by JkLawling
Summary: British accent I FOUND THE LOST CHAPTERS OF ARRY POTTER AND I AM NOW SHARING THEM WITH THE WORLD ROFL
1. Chapter 1

**HARRY POTTER LOST CHAPTERS **

AUTHOR: JK LAWLING (MY ALIAS) DONT TELL ANYONE

**LOST CHAPTERS OF ARRY POTTER: BOOK ONE, EROTIC ARABIAN NIGHTS.****  
****CHAPTER 1: MADAM HOOCH**

(all spoken in a british accent)

ONE DAY WHILE ARRY AND RON WERE PRANCING TO POTION CLASS THEY BEGAN TO TALK

ARRY: RON, WE ARE GOING TO CLASS  
RON: YES ARRY

THEY ARRIVE AT CLASS AND SEE THAT SNAPE IS NOT AT IT.

ARRY: SNAPE IS NOT HERE

JUST THEN MADAM HOOCH FLIES IN ON HER BROOM.

MADAM HOOCH: ALLOHAMORA!  
ARRY: HELLO MADAM HOOCH WHY ARE YOU HERE?   
MADAM HOOCH: I WILL TEACHING POTION CLASS TODAY FOR THE CLASS 

RON AND ARRY THEN GET BONERS

RON: MADAM HOOCH GIVES ME A BONER

ERMIONE THEN WALK IN CARRYING 10000 BOOKS 

ERMIONE: I LIKE READING! AND KNOWING FACTS!  
ERMIONE: (WHISPERS) ARRY, WHY IS MADAM COOCH TEACHING THIS CLASS TO US?  
ARRY: I AM NOT AWARE OF THE ANSWER

CLASS BEGINS.

COOCHIE: STUDENTS TODAY WE WILL LEARN TO MAKE A POTION OUT OF FIGS AND ORANGES.

CLASS: I LIKE POTIONS.

CLASS ENDS. 

ERMIONE: MADAM COOCHIE IS A GREAT TEACHER OF POTIONS.

ARRY AND RON GO TO THEIR ROOMS.

RON: ARRY I THINK I AM GOING TO BUM FOOK ERMIONE ONE DAY.  
ARRY: THAT IS SWELL.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 2: AGRID AND HIS ITCHY COOCH ****  
**  
AGRID: WOW MY VAGINA IS ITCHY.

MADAM HOOCHIE: I WILL RUB IT.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER 3: TOM RIDDLE GETS A TIT RUB**

TOMMY: LOLOLOLOL IM VOLDEMORT.  
HARRY: WILL YOU GO AWAY IF I GIVE U A TIT RUB?  
TOM RIDDLE: YES IT IS A POSSIBLE SOLUTION.   
ARRY: RUBS TITS

CEC EAGLE: I HAVE A MASSIVE CROTCH.


	4. Chapter 4

**CHAPTER 4: NEVILE GETS BUSY WITH CHO**

CHO: HI THERE NEVILE LONGCOCK  
NEVILE: HI I FORGET A LOT OF THINGS.  
CHODE: LET US MAKE LOVE TO EACHOTHER AND MAKE A SMALL BABY.  
NEVILE: OK THEN

AND IT IS DONE.


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER 5: THE GOLDEN SNATCH**

ONE DAY WHILE ARRY WAS GETTING READY FOR A ROUSING GAME OF QUIDDITCH AN EVENT TOOK PLACE.

ARRY: WELL IT WOULD APPEAR THAT IT IS TIME TO PLAY QUIDDITCH AT THIS TIME.  
RON: I AM NOT SURE WHY I AM CURRENTLY HERE BECAUSE OF THE FACT THAT I AM NOT A QUIDDITCH PLAYER.

THE GAME BEGINS.  
WOODY AND ARRY WALK OUT ALONG WITH THE REST OF THE TEAM.

ARRY: OMG TIME TO LOOK AROUND AIMLESSLY FOR A TINY LITTLE GOLD THING. TEEHEE  
PECKER: IM A GOALIE. LAWL.  
GOLDEN SNATCH: LOLOLOL. IM VERY SMALL AND NOT LARGE YOU MAY HAVE TROUBLE SPOTTING ME.

JUST THEN A DRAGON APPEARS AND BEGINS TO LACTATE ON ARRY.

ARRY: WELL THAT IS A RUDE THING TO DO MR. DRAGON.  
BONER: MY NAME IS WOOD LOL. LIKE BONER. LOL.

THE GAME THEN ENDS AND GRYFFINDOR WINS.  
ARRY THEN WALKS OFF THE FIELD TO ENJOY A NICE BLOWJOB FROM GEORGE WEASLEY. 

JUST THEN ERMIONE DASHES OUT AND SAYS

ERIOME: OMFG! ARRY'S BROOM IS JINXED!

SHE THEN GOES AND SETS SNAPE'S ROBES ON FIRE.

GINNY: BTW NO ONE CAUGHT THE GOLDEN SNATCH... 

TEH END.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHAPTER 6: DEATHEATERS EAT OUT ERMIONE**. 

ONE FINE EVENING ERMIONE IS FROLICKING THROUGH THE FOREST WHEN SUDDENLY A GROUP OF DEATHEATERS JUMP OUT

ERMIONE: EEEK!  
DEATHEATERS : ERMIONE IT US UNDER THE REQUEST OF DUMBLEDORE THAT WE NOW SHOVE WANDS IN YOUR COOTER AND EAT YOU OUT.  
ERMIONE: IF IT MUST BE DONE THEN DO IT UNTO ME.

AS THE DEATHEATERS BEGIN TO GET READY FOR THE GANGBANG A BIG CENTUAR HOPS OUT AND RAPES A DEATHEATER.

DEATHEATERS: WOW. WHAT AN ODD CHANGE OF EVENTS. THIS IS A BEWILDERMENT UNTO MINE MIND.

JUST THEN 10000 CENTUARS COME OUT AND RAPE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF THE DEATHEATERS AND THEY ARE PLEASED.

THEY THEN ROFL FOR A BIT AND THEN GALLOP AWAY.

RON: THAT WAS AN ODD OCCURRENCE TO HAVE BEEN SOMETHING THAT HAD HAPPENED UPON MY EYESIGHT.

PROFESSOR SPROUT: LOLOL. IM GONNA GET MY OWN CHAPTER.

EVERYONE THEN LEAVES THE FOREST LEAVING ERMIONE ALONE.

ERMIONE: UHM... I WANTED TO GET EATEN OUT AND WAND RAPED.

IN HER RAGE SHE RAPES THE NEAREST UNICORN AND BEGINS TO READ A BOOK.

END.


	7. Chapter 7

**CHAPTER 7: THE LEAKY CAULDRON**  
ARRY AND AGRID WERE WONDERING AROUND DIAGON ALLEY WHEN SUDDENLY PROFESSOR SPROUT ROLLED OUT OF AN ALLEY AND GIGGLED.

ARRY: ELLO THERE SPROUTY!  
AGRID: LOLOL YOU TEACH ABOUT PLANTS WHICH WE NEVER USE.

SPROUTY: LMAO. GUYS GUESS WHAT? LOL.  
ARRY: WHAT IS IT SPROUT?... HAS VOLDEMORT BEEN REVIVED?  
SPROUT: NONONONO. ROFL. GUESS AGAIN... TEEHEE  
AGRID: DO YOU HAVE JOCK ITCH?  
SPOUTY: LOL. ALMOST. I HAVE A LEAKY CAULDRON!!! LMAO!

JUST THEN VOLDEMORT COMES OUT AND SAYS

VOLDY: HAHA PROF SPROUT IS HAVING HER FIRST PERIOD.

HE THEN KILLS HARRY'S MOM AGAIN AND LEAVES.

ARRY: LOLOL I GUESS MY MOM WAS STILL ALIVE.

ERMIONE THEN WALKS IN WITH RON AND CHODE.

ERMIONE: LOL. PERIODS ARE ICKY.  
RON: ERMIONE, YOUR TITS MAKE MY PENIS WIGGLE.  
CHODE: HEHE. IM ASIAN.

CHODE AND RON THEN GALLOP AWAY.

PROF SPROUT: ERMIONE, I THINK I AM HAVING MY PERIOD, WHATEVER SHALL I DO?  
ERMIONE: I ALWAYS JUST WIN GARDIEM LEVIOSA THE PERIOD OUT OF ME.  
ARRY: I AM QUITE OFFENDED BY THIS CONVERSATION SO I THINK I WILL NOW POSE NAKED WITH A HORSE.

ARRY WALKS OFF.

SPROUT: WHY THANKS ERMIONE THAT IS A SWELL PLAN YOU HAVE BESTOWED UPON MY KNOWLEDGE ABSORBER.

CEDRIC DIGGORY: YOU COULD JUST USE A TAMPON OR A PAD.  
SPOUT: OK TIME TO GO BUY A TAMPON.

EVERYONE LEAVES AND IS SATISFIED.

ERMIONE: TIME TO GO HOME AND PRACTICE THE BRITISH FACTORING METHOD WITH RON AND ARRY.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER 8: PROFFESOR SPROUT BUYS A TAMPON**

SPROUTY ROTAES OUT OF FLOURISH & BLOTTS BOOK STORE.

SPROUTY: WOW. I JUST COMPLETED READING A BOOK ABOUT HOW TO APPLY A TAMPON AND I AM EVER SO NERVOUS.

ARRY AND EDWIG TUMBLE OUT OF A BROOM AND GREET SPROUTERS.

ARRY: ELLO PROFFY. TIS' A GRAND DAY TO SEARCH FOR A TAMPON.  
EDWIG: OOOOOOOOOOOOOT! OOOOOOOOOOOT!

ERMIONE AND RON STUMBLE INTO THE QUARRELL.

ERMIONE: HOW IS YOUR PERIOD GOING PROFFERS?  
SPROUTY: IT IS GOING MARVELOUSLY.  
RON: I ONCE HAD A PERIOD BLOOD TRICKLE DOWN MY SCROTUM IS WAS QUITE EROTIC.

AGRID AND SNAPE THEN BEGIN TO WRESTLE.

SPROUTY: WELL WHILE THEY WRESTLY I AM GOING TO BUY AND APPLY A TAMPON FOR MY EXTRA HEAVY FLOW.

SHE THEN ENTERS GRINGOTTS TAMPON BANK AND ORDERS A TAMPON FROM THE MENU.

SPROUTY: I WOULD LIKE TO PURCHASE AN EXTRA ABSORBENT TAMPON FOR MY LEAKY CAULDRON.  
DUDLEY: I WORK AT THE TAMPON STORE AND I AM CURRENTLY SELLING YOU A TAMPON.  
SPROUTERS: WHY THANK YOU LAD. YOU ARE GRAND.

SHE THEN GETS THE TAMPON AND NOTICES IT IS NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR HER GAPING COOTER.

SHE THEN SPOTS SCABBERS PRANCING THROUGH THE FIELDS.

SPROUTY: LOLZ HE LOOKS BIG ENOUGH.  
SCABBERS: I AM NOT A TAMPON FOR A COOTER HOLE DO NOT USE ME AS SUCH.

AND THEN SHE USES HIM AS A TAMPON AND HE IS BLED UPON.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHAPTER 9: CEDRIC DIGGORY AND VICTOR KRUM GO ON A DATE.**

DUMBLEDORE AND EVERYONE ELSE ENTERS THE GIANT PLACE WHERE THEY EAT AND SITS.

DUMBLEDORE: STUDENTS. I HAVE AN ANNOUNCMENT TO MAKE TO ALL OF THE STUDENTS.  
STUDENTS: DO IT.  
DUMBLEDORE: TODAY AND ALL THE DAYS UNTIL THE YEAR CONCLUDES WE HAVE GUESTS AT THE SCHOOL AND YOU WILL DO WELL TO TREAT THEM WITH GOOD.  
ARRY (SAYS TO SELF): OMFG I HATE FOREIGNERS!

JUST THEN A BOAT COMES OUT OF THE OCEAN AND A BIG WAGON FLIES IN AND EVERYONE GOES OMFG WHATS GOING ON?!!?

DUMBLEDORE: YOU FUCKING TWATS I JUST TOLD YOU.

HE THEN DANCES AWAY.

VICTORY KRUM THEN ROFLS IN AND BEGINS TO BLOW FIRE.

CEDRIC: HOLYFUCKING SHIT. HE HAS A HOT EVERYTHING.  
ARRY: CEDRIC, I THOUGHT YOU LIKED CHO...?  
CEDRIC: ARRY, I MUCH RATHER PREFER THE PENIS.

ARRY THEN GOES AND 69S WITH CHODE FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT.

CEDRIC: GOOD NOW I HAVE KRUM ALL TO MYSELF.  
TEEHEE.

KRUM ANNOUNCES TO THE WHOLE SCHOOL

KRUM: LOL THERES GONNA BE A COMPETITION AND CRAP BUT YOU GOTTA BE LIKE 420 TO ENTER SO BLOWS FOR YOU GUYS.

JUST THEN KRUM SPOTS CEDRIC OUT OF THE CORNER OF HIS EYE AND BEGINS TO HUMP HIS LEG.

CEDRIC: HI KRUM  
KRUM: HI CEDDY.

CEDRIC WORKS UP ALL THE COURAGE HE HAS AND SAYS

CEDRIC: I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE LOVE TO YOUR ANUS!

SO THEY GO ON A DATE.

THEY THEN ARRIVE AT THE LEAKY CAULDRON FOR A ROMANTIC DINNER. CEDRIC IS WEARING A SILK DRESS AND KRUM IS WEARING A CONDOM.

THEY EAT AND LIKE THE TASTE OF THE FOOD.

CEDRIC: KRUM LETS GO BUM FOOK.

SO THEY DO.

ERMIONE: LOLOLOLOL THEY LIKE TO FOOK EACHOTHER IN THE FORBIDDEN COOCHIE.  
RON: ERMIONE, I WOULD MUCH LIKE TO SEE YOURS.

AGRID: THIS IS MY LINE.

THE END


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER 10: EDWIG GOES TO THE GYNO**

ONE DAY WHILE ARRY AND EDWIG WERE PLAYING WIZARDS CHESS, EDWIG BEGAN TO OOOOOT UNCONTROLLABLY.

EDWIG: OOOOOT MY MOUTH HURTS.  
ARRY: LOL OMG. I GUESS WE GOTTA GET YOU TO THE GYNECOLOGIST.  
EDWIG: UHM, OK.

ARRY AND EDWIG THEN ARRIVE AT THE GYNO.

GYNO: HI I AM A DOCTOR THATS LIKES TO LOOK AT VAGINAS. LOL.  
ARRY: WILL YOU PLEASE LOOK AT MY OWL'S COOTER?  
GYNO: YES, I WILL DO THIS.  
EDWIG: OK

ARRY AND EDWIG ENTER THE GYNO ROOM AND THE GYNO SAYS

GYNO: IM SORRY ARRY BUT YOU MUST LEAVE  
ARRY: OK LOL I WILL NOT BE RETURNING IN AN INVISIBILITY CLOAK.  
GYNO: GOOD.

THEN ARRY PUTS HIS CLOAK ON  
ARRY: (TO SELF) I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE EDWIG'S COOCHIE.  
GYNO: GOOD NOW HE IS GONE, LETS OPEN THIS SNATCH UP.

THE GYNO THEN PLOWS INTO THE VAGINA AND LOOKS AROUND

GYNO: YOUR VAGINAL COLOR IS A VERY NICE SHADE OF SALMON.  
EDWIG: THANK YOU FOR THOSE FINE WORDS.  
GYNO: WELL EVERYTHING SEEMS OK, WHY ARE YOU HERE?  
EDWIG: I AM NOT SURE ACTUALLY.

EDWIG AND ARRY THEN LEAVE

EDWIG: ARRY I AM ANGRY AT YOU THAT WAS EMBARRASSING  
ARRY: SUX, BTW U HAVE A NICE TACO.

RON: I WOULD LIKE TO COVER ERMIONE'S TACO IN MY HOT SAUCE.  
ARRY: VERY WELL.

WELL THATS THE END OF BOOK ONE.  
ID LIKE TO THANK JESUS AND JK LAWLING.


	11. Chapter 11

**BOOK 2**

CHAPTER 11: PROF FLITWICK RAPES GINNY

ONE DAY IN LEVITATING CLASS PROF FLICKWICK WAS MAKING A BUNNY LEVITATE ABOUT THE CLASS WHEN HE GOT A SUDDEN BONER.

PROF CLITLICK: OH CLASS IT APPEARS MY TINKLE-SQUIRTER HAS GROWN IN LENGTH.  
GINNY: LOL YOU HAVE A BONER IN CLASS.

JUST THEN CLASS ENDS AND PROF CLITFLICK TELLS GINNY TO STAY AFTER CLASS.

GINNY: YES, PROF?  
PROF CLITTY: MY BONER WILL NOT SETTLE SO I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF I RAPE YOU.  
GINNY: OH.  
PROF: LET ME SHOW YOU A NICE TRICK.

HE THEN BEGINS TO MAKE HIS BONER LEVITATE AROUND THE CLASS AND INTO GINNY'S COOTER.

GINNY: WOW! WHAT A TRICK YOU HAVE SHOWN ME  
GINNY: OH MY! I HAVE BEEN RAPE-ED!  
RON: ROMEO HAS BEEN BANISH-ED!

GINNY: PROFFERS... MAY I PLEASE LEAVE NOW?  
CLITS: YES I THINK MY WOODY IS BEGINNING TO FADE, YOU MAY NOW LEAVE. TEEHEE  
GINNY: I DONT LIKE WHEN YOU TEEHEE ABOUT ME CLITTY.

GINNY THEN RIDES A MAGICAL TURTLE TO HER NEXT CLASS.

SNAPE: HEY GINNY YOU FUCKING RED HAIRED SHIT WHERE THE FUCK WHERE YOU?  
GINNY: CLITMOUTH SHOWED ME A LEVITATING TRICK IN WHICH HIS DICK SLID INTO MY COOTER.  
SNAPE: OH, HE IS A SWELL LEVITATER. LOL. SIT DOWN.

CLASS BEGINS AND GINNY REALIZES SHE IS PREGNANT.

GINNY: WOWOW IM PREGNANT.

SHE THEN BEGINS TO GIVE BIRTH.

PROF CLICKS: LOL I HAVE FAST ACTING MAN GRAVY.  
GINNY: LOL IM GONNA NAME MY BABY SIMBA.  
SIMBA: FUCKTITS.


	12. Chapter 12

**CHAPTER 12: GINNY'S BABY SHOWER**

ONE DAY WHILE RON WAS WAXING HIS DOLPHIN IN THE LOFT GINNY RAN IN WITH HER BABY AND BEGAN TO CRY.

GINNY: ROOOON! I HAVE A BABY.  
RON: GOOD I AM VERY PROUD AND APPREHENSIVE.

MRS. WEASLEY THEN DASHES IN WITH MR. WEASLEY BY HER SIDE.

WEASLEY PARENTS: LAWL. YOU HAVE A KID AND NO ONE IS GONNA SUPPORT YOU CUZ WE ARE SHIT BROKE.

SO THEY THROW HER A BABY SHOWER.

SIMBA: LOL ITS MY BABY SHOWER.  
GINNY: YOU ARE MY SON AND WE ARE GONNA SNUGGLE LATER.

GINNY AND SIMBA BEGIN TO SNUGGLE WITH EACHOTHER.

RON: WELL THIS IS A HAPPENING BABY SHOWER...

JUST THEN ERMIONE COMES IN WITH A BIKINI ON.

RON: I WISH I HADNT HAVE WANKED ALREADY TODAY.  
ERMIONE: HI RON, DO U LIKE MY NEW BIKINI ITS WATER RESISTENT. ROFL.  
RON: YOU HAVE RATHER FIRM NIPPLES.

THEN ARRY WALKS IN WITH HIS PRESENT FOR THE BABY.

ARRY: HERE YOU GO SIMBA ITS A SHIRT THAT SAYS: I SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABORTED. AND A MAGNET THAT SAYS: MY CONCEPTION WAS NOT CONSENSUAL.

GINNY: THOSE ARE GREAT PRESENTS FOR A BOY OF HIS AGE. THEY WILL BE PUT TO SWELL USE IN THIS HOUR.

AGRID WALKS IN CARRYING A CHIMNEY.

AGRID: LOOL I GOT THE BABY A CHIMNEY SO HE CAN SWEEP IT.  
GINNY: WOW YOU ARE A GREAT SHOPPER.

SPROUTY THEN WALKS IN.

SIMBA: SCUSE ME MA'AM BUT YOU HAVE A RAT JUTTING OUT OF YOUR PUSSY.  
SPROUTY: OH MY! THANK YOU.

GINNY: WELL THAT CONCLUDES THE PARTY.  
SIMBA: I FEEL VERY APPRECIATED AND SHOWERED.

SUDDENLY PROF CLITMUNCH WALKS IN WITH A BAG OF ONION RINGS.

CLITSUCK: LOL HERE I GOT A PRESENT FOR OUR BABY.

GINNY: GOOD THIS WILL COVER A YEAR OF CHILD SUPPORT.

CLITLICK: SWELL!!

IT IS SUDDENLY BEDTIME AND EVERYONES SCATTERS HOME SO THEY DO NOT MISS IT.

AS GINNY IS LYING DOWN SHE NOTICES THAT HER COOTER IS COVERED IN SNAILS.

GINNY: THIS MAY BE A PROBLEM.  
I WILL RESOLVE IT LATER.


	13. Chapter 13

**CHAPTER 13: WHY DOES MOANING MYRTLE MOAN?**  
ONE DAY ARRY WALKED INTO THE GIRL'S BATHROOM ON A FLOOR AND HEARS A LOUD MOAN.

MOANING MYRTLE: AHAAAHHAAAAHHHHH.

ARRY: WOW WHAT A MOAN. SOMEONE MUST BE GETTING SOME GOOD ASS.

SO HE GOES TO WATCH.

HE THEN SEES THE FEET OF A GIRL IN THE STALL.  
MYRTLE: WOWOWOW THIS IS THE LONGEST SHIT I HAVE EVER TAKEN.

ARRY: YOU MAY WANT TO CONSIDER EATING MORE FOODS WITH FIBER SO YOUR SHIT WILL SLIDE OUT LIKE BUTTER.

MYRTLE: THANKS.

ARRY: WHY DO YOU MOAN SO LOUD?  
MYRTLE: OH WELL BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN SITTING HERE AND RUBBING A FEATHER ON MY COOTER FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS. LOL.  
ARRY: HOW RUDE!

JUST THEN MOANERS BEGINS TO FLY AROUND GIGGLING.

MOANERZ: WOW YOUR A HOTTIE I THINK I WILL NOW COME DOWN AND SEX YOU UP.

SO THEY BEGIN TO HAVE GREAT SEX. ARRY THEN GIVES MYRTLE A DIRT SANCHEZ.

MOANY: WOW THANKS I LIKE THEM. I WILL SMELL SHIT ALL DAY NOW.

SHE BEGINS TO MOAN.

ARRY: OK WELL IM GOING TO LEAVE NOW.  
GOYLE: LOL ONE NIGHT STAND.  
CRABBE: LOL WE WATCHED.


	14. Chapter 14

**CHAPTER 14: SIMBA'S FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL**

THE DAY AFTER THE WEDDING SHOWER GINNY DECIDED TO SIGN SIMBA UP FOR SCHOOL.

SIMBA: NOW THAT I AM 2 DAYS OLD I FEEL LIKE I AM READY FOR SCHOOL.  
GINNY: AS DO I.

JUST THEN SIMBA BECOMES ANXIOUS

SIMBA: MOTHER WONT THE OTHER CHILDREN MAKE FUN OF ME BECAUSE I AM 2 DAYS OLD?  
GINNY: MOST LIKELY, BUT THEY WILL ALSO MAKE FUN OF YOU BECAUSE YOU ARE VERY FUCKING UGLY.  
SIMBA: THANK YOU. IT IS TRUE.  
GINNY: OH YEAH I CANT DRIVE AND ITS COLD AS BALLS OUT, SO YOUR GONNA HAVE TO WALK TO SCHOOL, OK?  
SIMBA: CAN'T I RIDE YOUR MAGICAL TURTLE?  
GINNY: FUCKS NO.

SO SIMBA WALKS TO TOT OGWARTS

SIMBA: WOW I HAVE MADE IT AND ONLY ACQUIRED SEVERE FROST BITE. THIS IS GOOD.

SIMBA THEN GOES TO HIS FIRST CLASS. THE TEACHER WALKS IN

PROFESSOR NORTHQUILL: LAWL IM FUCKING TEACHING YOU SONS OF BITCHES.

NORTHQUILL THEN SPOTS SIMBA IN THE CORNER OF HIS EYE.

NORTHY: FUCKSHIT!!! THAT BABY IS SO UGLY. LETS ALL MAKE HIS LIFE A LIVING NIGHTMARE. LOL.

SO ALL THE STUDENTS ATTACK HIM AND KICK HIM IN THE THROAT

SIMBA: I FEAR I CAN NO LONGER BREATHE.

SIMBA THEN RETURNS HOME NO LONGER BREATHING AND BEING COVERED IN FROSTBITE.

GINNY: OH HI SIMBA, CAN YOU MAKE DINNER?  
SIMBA: I GUESS...

SO SIMBA GETS OUT A PAN AND BEGINS TO FRY RICE

SIMBA: LOLZ WELL I GUESS WEZ EATING FRIED RICE.  
GINNY: I FUCKING HATE FRIED RICE AND YOU. PLEASE LEAVE THE HOUSE.  
SIMBA: BUT MOMMY I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME...  
GINNY: DID I EVER SAY THAT? FUCKING TWAT...

SIMBA: TIME TO VISIT DADDY!


	15. Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15: THE FAT LADY FUCKS A PREFECT.

ONE DAY WHILE PERCY WAS GALLOPING THROUGH THE HALLS,

HE SPOTTED THE FAT LADY IN THE PORTRAIT.

PERCY: WOW LOOK AT THAT FINE ASS, I COULD DO A LOT WITH  
THAT RIGHT THERE.

BUT HE WAS FRIGHTENED AND INTIMIDATED BY HER DASHING GOOD LOOKS AND FIGURE SO HE WENT TO HIS ROOM AND  
JACKED.

PERCY: I FEEL MUCH BETTER NOW.

RON: WOW MY BROTHER WANTS TO FUCK A FAKE FATTY.

ARRY AND AGRID THEN CHARGE IN HOLDING RIFLES.

ARRY: ROFL WE GONNA GO SHOOT BUNNYS

AGRID: TEEHEE I LIKES MAH GUN!

PERCY: GO HUNT SO I CAN FUCK THE FAT LADY WITHOUT ANYONE KNOWING.

RON: BROTHER, YOU ARE A GRAND SECRET KEEPER.

PERCY: I AM AWARE OF THE FACT.

SO ARRY RON AND AGRID GO TO SHOOT BUNNYS

PERCY THEN BEGINS TO RUBDOWN THE FAT LADY AND LICK HER  
CLEAVAGE.

FAT LADY: WOW HOW EROTIC.

PERCY: MAY I FUCK YOU?

FAT LADY: WOW YOU ARE A ROMANIC, HOW CAN I DENY YOUR REQUEST?

PERCY: THEN I GUESS IT MUST BE DONE.

THE FAT LADY THEN BEGINS TO LIFT HER SKIRT AND DANCE EROTICALLY TO "O CHRISTMAS TREE"

PERCY: FUCK YOU TURN ME ON WITH THOSE SEXY THIGHS AND SWELL DANCE STEPS.

THEY THEN BEGIN PENITRATION.

PERCY: HEHE MY PENIS TICKLES.

FAT LADY: THAT IS AN ORGASM.

PERCY: SWELL!

PERCY THEN GIGGLES.

PERCY: I HAD A GOOD FUCK TODAY GENTS.

(BTW PERCY IS STILL TALKING TO THE FAT LADY)

FAT LADY: YOUR FUCKING WEIRD WE ARE SO OVER.

PERCY: IM PROLLY GONNA MISS YOU

FAT LADY: SUCK MY TITS.

PERCY THEN BEGINS TO CRY BECAUSE HIS LONGEST LASTING  
RELATIONSHIP IS NOW OVER.

ARRY: LAWLOL. WE SHOT 1111 BUNNYS AND A DONKEY.

RON: THIS WAS A GOOD TRIP.

AGRID: BEDTIME! ROFL


	16. Chapter 16

**CHAPTER 16: SIMBA VISITS HIS FATHER**

GINNY AND SIMBA ARE CLEANING THE CAULDRONS WHEN GINNY BEGINS TO YELL AT SIMBA

GINNY: WOW I FUCKING HATE YOU, YOU SLUT.  
GINNY: YOU ARE A FUCKING UGLY BABY.

SIMBA: MOTHER YOU ARE SO KIND TO ME, I THINK YOU WILL ONE DAY A SAINT.

GINNY: I THINK I WILL ONE DAY FUCKING KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FUCKING SARCASTIC SHITWHORE.

SIMBA: MOTHER MAY I VISIT MY FATHER

GINNY: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT AS LONG AS I DONT HAVE TO HELP YOU.

SIMBA THEN BEGINS TO WALK TO HIS FATHER'S IN THE FREEZING COLD BLIZZARD.

HE THEN ARRIVES AND PROF FLITWICK'S HOUSE

CLITSNIFF: HOLY FUCK, ARE YOU A HUMAN?  
SIMBA: I AM YOUR SON FATHER.  
CLITRUB: YOU SURE ARE FUCKING UGLY, LIKE ME.  
SIMBA: FATHER, WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO ME?  
CLITFUCK: WELL SON, YOU ARE PRETTY FUCKING UGLY AND YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT AND MINT. BUT I THINK ITS MOSTLY BECUASE YOUR VOICE SOUNDS LIKE THAT OF A DEAD RACCOON.  
SIMBA: OH MY, I NOW UNDERSTAND. THANK YOU.

SIMBA: IM GLAD MY PARENTS UNDERSTAND ME.

FLITWICK: OK THANKS FOR COMING GET THE FUCK OUT BEFORE I CALL THE EXTERMINATOR.

SIMBA: THANK YOU FATHER FOR BEING KIND.

SIMBA THEN RETURNS HOME TO GINNY  
GINNY: FUCK DID YOU HAVE TO COME HOME? I WAS KIND OF HOPING YOU HAVE GOTTEN MURDERED OR RAPED OR GOTTEN ATTACKED BY A DEATHEATER.  
SIMBA: IM SORRY.  
GINNY: LOL ITS NOT OKAY.  
SIMBA: MY LIFE IS GRAND, AND I HAVE LOVING PARENTS TO SUPPORT ME.  
GINNY: NO YOU FUCKING DONT NOW GO CLEAN EVERYTHING.


	17. Chapter 17

**CHAPTER 17: THE SORTING HAT FONDLES RITA SKEETER.**

IT IS THE FIRST DAY OF THE NEW SCHOOL YEAR AND DUMBLEDORE BUSTS OUT THE SORTING HAT.

DUMBLEDORE: ROFLZ. THIS IS A GAY ASS HAT THAT WE SHOVE ON YOUR HEAD AND IT TALKS. ISNT THAT NEAT?

SCHOOL: MUCH SO.

SORTING HAT: WOW I CAN TALK AND SORT CHILDREN.

SCHOOL: NEAT FACT.

SO THE NEW STUDENTS GO UP ONE BY ONE AND THE SORTING HAT ROFLS ON THEM FOR A BIT AND SCREAMS OUT A NAME.

SORTING HAT: HUFFLEPUFF!!! WAIT... IS THAT A REAL HOUSE?... I THOUGHT THERE WERE ONLY TWO. ROFL OH WELL.

SO AFTER ALL THE CHILDREN ARE SORTED THEY GTFO THE EATIN HALL AND GO TO THEIR NEW COMMON ROOM HOUSE THING.

JUST THEN RITA SKEETER BUSTS IN.

SKEET SKEET: ROFL IM RITA SKEETER. IM THAT JOURNALIST CHICK.  
SORTING HAT: OK, I WILL MOST LIKELY FONDLE YOU. (i think i used a very similar line but stfu)

RITERS: WELL THATS FINE BUT MAY I PLEASE INTRVIEW YOU FOR THE DAILY PROPHET.

SORTING HAT: NO, NOT REALLY.

SKEETMOUTH: FUCKING SUCKS IM DOING IT ANYWAY YOU SHITFAG.

HATTY: K.

THEY BEGIN TO INTERVIEW.

HAT: WOW THAT WAS NEAT.

RITA: YES.

SORTING HAT: UHM... YOU WANNA SEE WHAT HOUSE YOU SHOULD BE IN?

SKEETS: I GUESS...?

HAT: OK SIT HERE.

AS SHE SITS HE PLOPS ON HER HEAD AND BEGINS TO FONDLE HER ALL OVER HER BODY.

RITA: WOW AWKWARD.

HAT: YEAH BUT THIS IS THE ONLY WAY I CAN DECIDE.  
HATTY: LOLOL. YOU SHOULD BE IN RAVENCLAW... YOU I GOT ANOTHER RANDOM HOUSE TODAY I THINK IM BROKEN OR SUMTHING... WTF IS RAVENCLAW.

RITA: I QUITE ENJOYED THAT FONDLE. TEEHEE.  
SKEETING: I THINK I WILL ONE DAY INTERVIEW YOU AGIAN, OR AT LEAST SKEET ON YOU AGAIN.


	18. Chapter 18

**CHAPTER 18: ERMIONE TAKES A PREGNANCY TEST**

ONE DAY ERMIONE WAKES UP AND VOMITS.

ERMIONE: WOW I GUESS THIS IS MORNING SICKNESS, I MUST BE PREGNANT.  
ERMIONE: NOW THINK ERMIONE, WHENS THE LAST GOOD FUCK YOU HAD... SPROUTY?... SHE GOTS NO SPERMYS... UH... OH IT WAS PROBABLY THAT LION I RAN INTO IN THE FORBIDDEN FOREST THAT I LET FUCK ME.

SO ERMIONE GOES OUT TO THE FOREST TO FIND THE LION.

ERMIONE: OMFG LION IM PREGGERS!  
LION: FUCK... I DONT NEED ANOTHER KID... CAN I EAT IT WHEN TIS BORN?  
ERMIONE: YES I THINK SO. WAIT I JUST REALIZED I DIDNT TAKE A PREGGER TEST YET.

SO ERMIONE BEGINS TO PISS ON EVERYTHING SHE SEES IN THE HOPES THAT ONE OF THESE THINGS ARE A PREGGER TEST.

ERMIONE: WELL I GUESS IM PREGNANT, GOOD THING I TOOK A GOOD PRENANCY TEST SO I HAVE STERN PROOF.

2 MINS LATER

ERMIONE: WOW PREGNANCY IS TOUGH. I SHOULD CONSULT GINNY AND ASK HER HOW SHE HANDLED IT.

SO ERMIONE WALKS TO GINNY'S

ERMIONE: HI GINNY! HOW DID U HANDLE BEING PREGGER?  
GINNY: WELL ACTUALLY I WAS PREGNANT FOR LIKE 25 MINS SO I WOULDNT REALLY KNOW... BUT YOU CAN HAVE SIMBA IF YOU WANT...

ERMIONE: ROFL NO TY, YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MUTANT.  
SIMBA: HI AUNT ERMIONE!!  
ERMIONE: OH SHUT THE FUCK UP SHITRAG.

GINNY: OH I KNOW WHO YOU CAN ASK, ASK RON.  
ERMIONE: WOW HOW COULD I HAVE FORGOTTEN, HE WAS PREGGER FOR 3 YEARS.

SO ERMIONE GOES UPSTAIRS AND ASKS RON HOW HE HANDLED BEING PREGGER.

RON: WELL I FUCKED ALOTTA ALOTTA HOES TO GET MY MIND OFF IT.

ERMIONE: OH GOOD PLAN SIR.

SO ERMIONE DOES SUCH.

LION: BTW ERMIONE YOUR NOT PREGNANT.  
ERMIONE: OH LAWL. YOUR RIGHT. IM SILLY.


	19. Chapter 19

**CHAPTER 19: RON AND ERMIONE SEX IT.**

RON AND ERMIONE ARE FEELING HOT AND SWEATY FROM THE LONG DAY OF WIZARDING.

RON: MY ITS HOT. I KNOW ITS HOT BECAUSE, MY PENIS IS SWEATING.

ERMIONE: LOL. MINE TOO.

RON: SO, YOUR HOT AND I AM ALSO A HIGH TEMPERATURE. SHALL WE DO THE SEX DEED? I READ A BOOK ABOUT IT.

ERMIONE: WELL I SUPPOSE WE COULD DO THE SEXING BECAUSE MY PERIOD DIDNT COME. SO IM PROBABLY PREGNANT ANYWAY.

RON: GOOD THEN I GUESS I WILL NOW DO THE INSERTING PROCESS NOW.

ERMIONE: OK LET ME GRANT U ENTRANCE TO MY SQUISHY VAGINAL WALLS.

RON: GIGGLES THIS IS GOING TO BE A RIOT.

ERMIONE: MY VAGINA SCREECHES FOR YOU OH RONNY.

RON: THATS A LITTLE WEIRD.

RON AND ERMIONE THEN BEGIN TO INSERT THE PENIS IN THE HOLE OF PLEASURES.

RON: EEEKKK. I FEEL PLEASURES UPON MY NERVE ENDINGS.

ERMIONE: I HAVE HAD BETTER HEAD.

RON THEN DONKEY PUNCHES ERMIONE.

ERMIONE: LOLS I REALLY LIKED THAT.

ARRY THEN PEEKS IN THE ROOM TO LOOK FOR HIS BANJOS.

ARRY: MY OH MY. RON AND ERMIONE ARE DOING THE INTERCOURSES. MY BONER IS HOPPING IN MY TROUSERS, TIME FOR A RUBDOWN IN THE PANT.

RON AND ERMIONE THEN FINISH THE LOVE TRAIN THEY HAVE FORMED AND BEGIN TO SMOKE.

ERMIONE: I SMOKE WITH MY VAGINA SO I WILL KILL MY BABY WITH CANCER.

RON: FUCK YOU HO. IM LEAVING THIS FUCKING SHITHOLE.

ERMIONE: OKAY SEE YOU HUNNY BUNS.


	20. Chapter 20

**CHAPTER 20: THE COOCHIE SNAILS.**

SO GINNY AWAKES THE NEXT MORNING AND DECIDES TO SOLVE HER PROBLEM.  
GINNY: LOL WOW. THE SNAILS ARE STILL THERE. ON MY VAGINA AREA. WOW IT KIND OF HURTS WHEN THEY BITE INTO MY SKIN AND EAT MY BLOOD AND VAGINAL WALL.

GINNY DECIDES TO SEE A SHRINK BECAUSE SHE ASSUMES THE SNAILS HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS AND SHE WANTS TO GET THEM CHECKED OUT.

SHRINKY DINKY: HELLO MA'AM AND SNAILS.

GINNY & SNAILS: HIYA SIR.

GINNY: SIR MY VAGINA SNAILS ARE EATING THE SKIN OFF OF MY BODY AND I FEEL A PAINING IN THAT AREA FOR SOME REASON.

SHRINKY: OH ME OH MY. LOLS U FUCKING RETARDED SLUT.

THE DOCTOR THEN PULLS THE FUCKERS OFF AND GINNY IS PLEASED WITH THE RESULTS.

GINNY THEN GOES HOME AND KNOCKS THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF SIMBA.

SIMBA: WELCOME HOME. MOTHER YOU LOOK VERY SWELL NOW THAT THE SNAILS ARE NOT EATING YOUR VAGINAL.

GINNY: IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU. LIKE IM NOT EVEN JOKING.

SIMBA: YOUR FUNNY MAMA BEAR.

GINNY THEN BEGINS TO THROW CACTI AND SIMBA AND SET HIM ON FIRE.

SIMBA: WOW MOM I REALLY DO LIKE THIS GAME.  
A LOT.

GINNY THEN SENDS SIMBA TO A CONCENTRATION CAMP IN THE HOPES THAT HE WILL DIE. PAINFULLY.

GINNY: SIMBA, IM SORRY IM SUCH A BAD MOTHER... THESE NICE NAZI WILL THROW YOU IN THIS TRUCK AND TAKE YOU TO DISNEY LAND.

SIMBA: OMFG. IM GONNA MEET MICKEY?

GINNY: UHM YES.

SIMBA: YAAAAY. I WANT HIS AUTOGRAPH AND I KIND OF WANT TO FUCK HIS GIRLFRIEND.

SIMBA IS THEN SENT TO A DEATH CAMP AND SHOT.


End file.
